dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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