matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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