its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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