god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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