i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
