I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
