Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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