And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
