OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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