I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
