i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
