its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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