Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
