you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
