Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
