My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
