for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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