You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
