Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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