R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
