there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
