i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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