Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
