R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
