She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
