Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
