you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
