This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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