i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
