honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
