I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
