no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I deserve to be covered in dicks
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
