When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
