One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He shit in the fireplace
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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