my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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