Sry I called you an 8
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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