She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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