We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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