he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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