I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
