mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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