i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
