i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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