First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
