Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
