Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
