We're like a lot better than the average bears
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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