i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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