Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
