Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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