i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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