Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
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